We wish we would have known more about Reactive Attachment Disorder, as well as the lack of help if something goes seriously wrong with a child after the adoption. We would have liked to know there would be almost no help in keeping the family and other kids safe and protected when one child is dangerous due to their early childhood trauma.
We needed more help with out of home placement and financial assistance to make that happen. We eventually did find a place for our child, but it was extremely difficult to make it happen, and it continues to be a huge financial burden.
We have been blessed by adoption with some of our kids, but the challenges with RAD and one of our children has been so life altering and devastating that we would suggest families become very educated prior to adopting a child who has experienced severe trauma. There is not always transparency or honesty with the foster care system and/or international adoptions, so it is important to do your research. A child with severe RAD can affect your marriage, your relationships with other family members, and can deeply hurt and affect your other children in the home.
You will not always have the support of neighbors and extended family because they don't understand RAD, and your child may act charming with others and be highly manipulative and very convincing. It is impossible to explain in words the upheaval that it causes and the PTSD parents and family members feel after dealing with this situation. Our suggestion would be to be very, very careful. We are not completely discouraging adoption, as we have five adopted children and they have done well, although it has always been challenging. One of them has severe RAD behaviors, and that has definitely changed and tarnished how we view all of it. Please be sure to really do your research and to understand that love and consistency is not always enough, unfortunately.
